Some Lessons

I have worried myself out for ages, unfotunately these worries were about the things that never actually happened. The insecurities and unnecessary fear of future, only led me to take actions that made everything worse off. 

Fear of the unknown and the consequent measures to minimize uncertainty did the most harm. I took actions to kill uncertainty and made sure I predicted as much as I could about future.

I did minimize uncertainty to a large extent (unluckily) but the decisions that made my life predictable and certain turned out to be the worst decisions of my life.

I learned a few good lessons though, which I would definitely like to share:

• Don't focus on fear and uncertainties, do what gives a purpose to your life.

• Don't change your path to make life easier in the short run.

• Don't shrink your dreams just because you don't know if they will come true or not.

• Don't absorb the fears and apprehensions of others, they are pessimistic because they can't feel the way you feel about your dreams.

• Take a stand and make sure you defend what you want from life. Don't let the world discourage you or change your mind. 

Remember, it's you who is responsible for living the life you want. Others cannot choose for you, you have to choose on your own and give it your best.

Will You?

Will you wait for the day to end

so you could see me?

Will I be the one to bring you a smile

On a long long day?

Will I be the rock?

Will I be the sun?

Will you find comfort in me,

When the world hurts you?

Will you seek my words,

When nothing  makes sense?

Will you cherish our moments?

Will you go over my words,

Again and again?

Will you be the constant,

In my ever-changing life?

Confused and Jobless Youth - A Perspective

Ever wondered why so many young graduates can’t find jobs despite degrees from well-known universities. Some would blame it on the lack of opportunities, poor economy and unstable political conditions of the country but on a micro level there is a serious problem that we overlook.

The problem lies with our parents and universities. Parents want their children to be doctors, engineers or business graduates. Under immense pressure from parents and society, students tend to choose their university degrees in a few saturated fields, without considering their aptitude, interest and personality.

So how do universities add to the problem of jobless graduates? The admission criteria of universities are not what they should be! Universities do look at previous marks and grades and take entry tests which test the general knowledge, science and languages but majority of the universities fail to test the three most important points: 

· Aptitude (with respect to the chosen field ) 

· Interest 

· Personality 

These three decisive points in a person’s career are completely overlooked, and as a result there are university graduates who do manage to complete their university education somehow but fail to find a job. Since employers look for candidates with real aptitude, complimenting personality and check if the candidate is really interested in the field he/she has graduated in, the students with a wrong choice of degree fail to find a job.

To prevent this from happening, parents should let their children decide which career they want to choose. On the other hand, the universities should make changes to their admission criteria, by adding in crucial aspects that test the student’s aptitude and ability in the chosen field, interest of the student and the personality characteristics.

A girl in Pakistan

Life's pretty different for a girl in Pakistan. And to my surprise, most girls here are happy with it. They have adjusted so much with the ideas and practices of the society that they don't quite question the harshness of it!

I realized all these problems while growing up in a Pakistani society. I have listened to the ideas of people in Pakistan regarding a girl's life.I have observed the thoughts of my own parents and I have also observed the the thoughts of parents of other girls.I have also seen these ideas put into practice which really are absurd and unfair!

Even if a girl is born in a well off family with relatively lenient parents, the life still lacks independence and freedom.Usually, the girl has no say in anything except things like the colour of clothes or the new design of shoes. After high school, if the girl is lucky enough she gets the opportunity of entering college or university. However, the irony is that girls don't get to choose what they would want to study, instead parents take it for granted that it's them who have to decide! So, the girl ends up in a college or university where the parents want their daughter to be and she studies what parents want her to study!

While she's trying to concentrate on working hard for the education her parents have chosen for her, she's told that she's going to get married! This sudden shock is bad because the point of education and dedication starts to seem meaningless. Mainly, this marriage issue erupts because parents somehow discover a good match for the girl and feel that the opportunity will be lost if the girl would be allowed to complete her education(usually a bachelor's degree).The unlucky ones have to leave their education incomplete and end up getting married, to the guy who is chosen by her parents, instead of her. The less unlucky ones get the opportunity to complete their bachelor's education and then they are quickly married off, as if it's a race where the girl will be left behind, if she weren't married off quickly.

After-marriage-situation is not quite optimistic either! The girl just does not have to live her life with a complete stranger who's chosen by her parents, but a whole new group of strangers in a whole new setting.In most situations, the girl is expected to obey her husband and this whole new group of strangers (often known as in laws) in a very submissive and flawless manner. She should completely forget that she is an individual too. She is expected to be perfect and quite a subordinate to them, since they really did a great favour to her, by sending her the proposal of marriage.

While she's trying to adjust in this new environment with new people, she's expected to bring happiness to her in-laws by bringing a new addition to the family! If this is not the case, eye brows are raised and problems are expected in the family. So, before she really gets the hang of things and before she is adjusted, she's already expecting her first child.

After becoming a mother, responsibilities double! Life revolves around the baby, the husband and the in-laws. She gets hardly any time to think of what she was, what she is and what were here dreams. She really finds it hard to get the hang of things, what really happened to her and what really was the purpose of her existence.

I wonder how girls are happy with this sort of life! And I wonder if I would also be like one of those girls, because this is what generally happens. There are exceptions to it for sure but I'm really surprised and demotivated to see girls with this purposeless life.

February breeze

This February breeze,
and how it chills my shoulders,
has a touch of past in it!

We may not meet again,
the things may have changed,
for the better or worse,
but remember that I love you

No matter how much I try to evade,
it comes back with a greater force,
a lot may have gone to never return,
but remember that I love you

Having to go on without hope kills,
it hardens the heart,
it disturbs and it shatters,
but I can not let go,
what once came to me.

This February breeze,
and how it chills my shoulders,
has the touch of past in it!

In the madness of life, I still survive!
Days pass and by staying strong, I still fight!
The path is curvy and laden with thorns,
still I tread, thinking I'll be fine!
But sometimes I want to give up,
give up and see the other side of life,
is it ok to be weak and vulnerable?
Or I just need to stay strong?

Words

I'm finally out of the
painful numbness,
your words heal me.

I've uncovered the mask,
I'm myself now,
your words heal me.

All the colours had faded,
in the world's rat race,
hope appears now,
your words heal me.

My faith in prayer returns,
my pining stops,
your words heal me.

Don't take my life away from me,
Words of yours are my life,
and your words heal me!

Broken Doll

As I pass by the staircase,
I see my sister's broken doll,
limbs apart, tangled hair,
and the dirty frock.

I feel something in her
that I could identify with,
I start to feel like a broken doll,
shattered in countless pieces,
in a world where care does not exist,
and empathy is far far away,
people run after what they want,
and walk over others.

As night approaches,
I lie supine on my bed,
eyes on the ceiling,
tears trickle down from the sides,
amidst my broken dreams,
I think of what I ask for,
and what I get,
I am a broken doll.

Winters

Winters remind me of all the happy days,
Of moments that wont ever be back,
People that I’ll never come across,
Places that’ll never be the same,
And feelings I won’t feel anymore.

My heart sinks with the nostalgia,
That surrounds my heart and mind,
As I sit mesmerized among my books.

I miss you
And life goes on
I look back with teary eyes
And then I smile:

You’ll come back,
We’ll laugh the way we laughed,
We’ll make plans the way we did,
We’ll cry together

You’ll be all well again,
And will call me the girl ‘who was a hospital’
And I’ll remind you of the ‘guy who was a hospital’

I’ll try to put a stop on your drinking coke
You’ll make a joke of my ‘sandwich-a-day-diets.’

We’ll try to have sometime alone,
Talk of the same things we always talk

I’ll repeat my sentences
You’ll try patience

We’ll argue and you won’t talk
And you won’t talk for days

I’ll miss you
And then I’ll look back with teary eyes
And I’ll smile:

You’ll come back
And we’ll laugh the way we laughed.

Dreams

Faintly scented world,
strewn with dreams,
dreams one-of-a-kind,
so subtle,so indulging,
so cosy, so wild.

Nobody can comprehend,
and I cannot explain,
how they touch me now and then,
how everything lights up from within,
my room walls, the faded curtains,
the dressing table dusty,
how everything becomes glitters.

What colours blind my eyes,
what lilt stirs my words,
I gaze at things unknown,
with sunken eyes and smile!

If the world was sublime,
untrue,magical and dreamy!

If there were souls,
And nobody to imprison them,

Imprison in those brick walls
from which
I so yearn to break-free!

Prisons that actually don't exist,
prisons that I cannot touch,
but the prisons that I feel.

If freedom would replace cash
and happiness would be freedom

If I had that road to skate on;
and no signals, no cars, no end,
no red lights!

If food wasn't a need
If shelter wasn't required
If we weren't answerable
If we could not hurt,
and could not be hurt.

If life was to go after
what you wanted;
If no one would stop you,
no one would be unhappy.

If we had wings,
no planes and trains!

If happiness was sought in smiles
If the world was sublime,
untrue,magical and dreamy.

Candyman task

It was a strange day. I woke up at eleven, still sleepy but scared of being scolded for getting up so late, I gathered up all my courage to begin the day after my six hour sleep at night.

I looked outside my room window, which opened in the balcony that cleary showed the sky and the houses of the neighbourhood in the opposite lane. It felt as if it was dusk and sun was beginning to set, the cloudy sheet made the usual sunny day look gloomy.

Some guests arriving the next day were expected to stay at our place, and my room was thought to be offered, as it was separate from the main hurly-burly of the house and perfect for guests.

As I heard of guests staying in my room, I had to make it cleaner than I did usually. I dusted the furniture,cleaned my laptop and cleared up all the junk from my drawers.

Today, I decided not to pick a task form the Candyman that I was supposed to choose everyday.Candyman is a round china bowl with a lid on it, and it's full of papers with different tasks on them that I have to pick everyday.

I spent most of the time in my room and went downstairs to press my clothes for a whole week, since my university was to start the coming week and I was excited that I wouldn't be sick wearig a uniform, like I used to do till now. I kept ironing all the clothes with the zest that I didn't expect on a day when I was sleep deprived. Because of standing and pressing around eight suits at one go, I felt my feet burning and I was totally listless after all that ironing. The listlessness continued all day, it felt as if I had a sunstroke.Though, it wasn't a sunstroke, it was surely a heat stroke to stand for hours in the steaming kitchen, where the ironing table stood.

I didn't sleep in the afternoon, and kept dragging myself till the night so I could sleep early and wake up early the next morning. The same night before going to bed, I caught a glance of my Candyman. A sudden urge wanted me to open it right away and pick today's task which I had missed. My eyes shone as I unfolded the paper, it read 'iron as much clothes as you can!'. I surely didn't miss my Candyman task.

I'm smiling
smiling sadly

on everything
I say to you
on everything
I hear

Bizarre,soft,cold,
cute,warm and
friendly
All your words
I'm missing
badly
And I sit here
smiling sadly.

That stir joy in me
so magical are your mails
so enticing are your tales
I'm listening to them
quietely,
and smiling sadly.

Every little little thing
you say to me,
you do for me,
I'm cherishing silently
and smiling sadly.

Taking your name again and
again,
it didn't all go in vain,
gleaming with honeyed
pain,
I sit here smiling sadly.

Your ununderstandable phrases
About unknown places
Are thunders and wonders
Here my imagination surrenders

Bud of hope about to bloom
and the autumn arrives.

I'm more scared of
happiness than of sorrow,
more scared of today
than tomorrow.

I cannot capture what must pass,
I cannot hold what is meant to go.

Happiness deceives
and I'm deceived.

Moment of joy
turns into tears
excitement ends
sleepless night remains

I'm always bewitched by the spell
that breaks too soon.

Life

Smile at your fate
on the life's gait
how's everything in here
hard to leave,hard to bear.

You

I haven't understood you
yet I adore you

I've never missed you
there's something more
that words can't describe to you

Whenever I come to see you
the words I have to say
unheard they sway away
as there weren't any thoughts
for you

I wish to feel everything around you
the aroma of thoughts
the music of voice
I could have done it
If I weren't dazed by you!

Life wasn't dissected before you
now I think of 'life with you'
and the 'life without you'

As days pass and frequently I meet you
I become more aware of you
and the more unaware of you

Eyes can't see the human existing inside
If you could confide in me and I could
confide in you.

Escapist

Hide me somewhere
somewhere in the dark
make me unseen
where should I disappear?

Hide me in my dreams
hide me somewhere
there's no one else
hide me where there's
only me

Hide me from my
recurring thoughts
that hurt day and
night

Make me senseless
for a while
take my pain away
stop me from brooding
over and over

Hide me somewhere
somewhere I cannot feel
somewhere I am not felt
I am not seen,I am not known
make me invisible,make me immune

Hide me somewhere
Somewhere in the dark.

Silence

I sit and stare at the walls,
thinking of you, and
craving for your words

It happens to me every single day
I stare like this,thinking of you,
craving for your words.

Sometimes your words enchant me,
sometimes they hurt
but I can't bear your silence

I blankly stare at the walls
thinking of you
and craving for your words.